that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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