Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
