fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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