Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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