i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
