I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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