i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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