i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
