i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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