There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
