I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
