well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
