i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
