just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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