I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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