Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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