I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
