Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
