why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
