batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
