Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
