Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
