tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
