the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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