i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
