so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
