apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
