You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
