dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
