i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
