Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
