omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
