im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
