The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
