He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Mom said you looked used
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize