remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
