do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
