i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
