At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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