If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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