I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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