This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
