she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fuck appropriateness.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
