Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize