I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
