Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
