how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
