That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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