that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
