so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize