the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
