never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
