Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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