oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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