I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
