I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize