Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
