he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
