The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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