I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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