You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
