Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
