OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
3pm strippers are depressing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
