i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So squirting runs in the family.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize