Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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