Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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