Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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