well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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