You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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