Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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