I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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