it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
