you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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