why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
