They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
