You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
