If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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