just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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