Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
someone owes me an orgasm
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
