I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
