My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
