They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Found your dick twin last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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