i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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