Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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