Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
