I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
