It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
