Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
