I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
