I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
