I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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