The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize