You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
