did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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