I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize