I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
